The Price of Proving Yourself: How Working Twice as Hard is Costing You More Than You Think

You’ve probably heard it all your life— “We have to work twice as hard to get half as far.” It’s advice passed down through generations, meant to equip us to survive in a world that doesn’t always see us or our value. But what if working twice as hard is costing you more than it’s worth? What if the constant need to prove yourself is slowly chipping away at your well-being, leaving you exhausted, overworked, and yet still feeling like you’re not enough?

Let me paint you a picture. Imagine you’re in the middle of a big project. You’re juggling back-to-back meetings, staying late, and skipping lunch just to keep up. You push yourself to respond to emails immediately, even if it means sacrificing time with your family or missing out on that boxing class you promised yourself you’d attend. You constantly worry about how you’re being perceived by your colleagues—will they see you as lazy if you take a moment to breathe? Are you being compared to your peers who don’t look like you, who seem to have an easier time fitting in?

You’re working twice as hard, alright. But the more you push, the more you feel like you’re sinking. Your energy is depleted, your spirit is low, and still, there’s a nagging voice that whispers: “It’s not enough. I’m not enough.”

It’s time to challenge the belief that your worth is tied to how hard you work or how much you produce. This idea, while well-intentioned, is a trap. It keeps you in a cycle of overwork and burnout, preventing you from recognizing your inherent value. 

Here are some tips to help you course correct:

Redefine Your Definition of Success

Start by questioning whose definition of success you are working towards. Is it rooted in your values, or is it an attempt to conform to external standards that do not serve you? Create a new, personal definition of success that includes joy, balance, and well-being, not just productivity.

Set Boundaries and Honor Them

Practice saying "no" without guilt. When you're tempted to take on more work or stay late, ask yourself if it's necessary or if it's coming from a place of needing to prove yourself. Begin setting small, firm boundaries and build up to bigger ones over time.

Rest Without Guilt

Understand that rest is not a reward for working hard; it’s a critical component of sustainable success. Make rest a non-negotiable part of your routine. This might look like taking a full lunch break away from your desk or committing to a work-free weekend.

Celebrate Your Wins, Big and Small

Make it a habit to celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. This practice shifts your focus from what you haven’t done to what you have accomplished, helping you internalize your worth and value beyond constant productivity.

Surround Yourself with Affirming Community

Seek out spaces and people who see your value without needing you to prove it. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a mentor, or a supportive community group, find places where you can be seen and appreciated for who you are, not just for what you do.

The belief that you have to work twice as hard to prove your worth is deeply rooted in real experiences of discrimination and bias, but it doesn’t have to dictate your life.

You are worthy of success, joy, and peace without having to burn yourself out to prove it. Remember, your value isn’t determined by how much you do but by who you are. And that, my sister, is always enough.